A gender advocate, Dr Adetoun Dally, has cautioned working mothers against unhealthy social competition, warning that the pursuit of lifestyles beyond their means is increasing financial pressure, stress and family instability.
Dally, Immediate Past President of Women Community in Africa and Founder of Children Impact and Development Initiative, gave the advice in an interview with reporters on Friday in Abuja.
She said many families were falling into financial difficulties by attempting to match the lifestyles, schools, housing standards and spending habits of friends, colleagues and other households around them.
According to her, family decisions should be guided by available income and genuine priorities rather than efforts to project wealth or maintain appearances before friends, relatives and wider society.
“Do not try to always go beyond your economic capacity just to create an impression that all is well. There is a need for moderation and contentment to remain financially balanced,” she said.
Dally said competition over children’s clothing, school choices, accommodation and household expenditures could derail couples’ financial plans and place additional emotional and economic burdens on working parents.
She advised married women to assess what their families could realistically sustain financially and resist pressure from friends, neighbours and social circles promoting lifestyles beyond their economic realities.
The advocate also urged working mothers facing difficulties balancing employment, childcare and domestic responsibilities to maintain honest communication with their husbands whenever responsibilities became physically or emotionally overwhelming.
She said women should not suffer silently or conceal exhaustion merely to appear strong, capable and in control when they genuinely required support from family members.
Dally said seeking assistance from a spouse should never be interpreted as weakness or failure, emphasising that parenting and family wellbeing remained shared responsibilities between both partners.
She recalled the experience of a friend who became ill with malaria but continued carrying out her daily duties until she intentionally remained in bed one morning.
According to her, the incident compelled the woman’s husband to assume responsibility for childcare and household management, helping him understand the extent of her daily workload.
Dally said the experience illustrated how some spouses might underestimate their partners’ contributions until circumstances required them to take over those duties and responsibilities themselves.
She therefore encouraged working mothers to communicate their limitations clearly and request assistance whenever necessary instead of pushing themselves beyond their physical, emotional and mental capacities.
“Being strong does not mean that you must carry everything alone. When you are weak or exhausted, those around you should know and you should be able to ask for help,” she said.
She further called for greater cooperation between couples in childcare and domestic responsibilities, noting that husbands should be encouraged to participate more actively in managing family affairs.
Dally, however, advised women to approach discussions about support respectfully and constructively, cautioning against allowing requests for assistance to develop into unnecessary conflicts within homes.
She said mutual understanding, prudent financial planning and shared family responsibilities would help couples reduce pressure, strengthen relationships and create healthier and more supportive homes.
The gender advocate also urged employers and policymakers to promote family-friendly workplace policies that would enable working parents to balance professional obligations with childcare and domestic responsibilities.
