Jana Hocking says she thought everyone was aware of the ‘shocking’ rule by now: ‘It’s not cheating, get with the times’
veryone should be dating multiple people
You no longer need to share that they are not the ‘only one’
‘You get to trial who you have the best chemistry with’
Here I was plodding though life thinking everyone was aware of the one big change in the dating game that’s not often spoken about but very widely accepted.
So imagine my surprise when I’m out to dinner with my family for my mum’s birthday and she looks shocked, appalled and slightly horrified as my brothers and I were discussing it very casually.
Now full disclosure, having brought up a daughter who now writes a sometimes-raunchy dating column, it takes a lot to shock my mum (even if she swears black and blue she know longer reads my column because it’s ‘too honest’).
But here we were at dinner and she looked like we had announced something preposterous.
What we were talking about was a dilemma one of our friends was dealing with.
It’s totally normal to be dating multiple people at once when you first start out: ‘I thought everybody knew that?’
Having divorced a year ago, he had jumped enthusiastically on the apps and was dating up a storm.
We’re talking three dates a week, minimum.
But recently he’s discovered he now really fancies one of the women he’s been casually dating and was wondering how to break it to the others. He wanted to let them know he could no longer see them, because he’s decided to get serious with this lucky lady and wanted to know if it was ok to do it via text or if he should he call them.
Now, the shocking thing about this scenario wasn’t the whole text or call dilemma, although side note: I would say text always trumps a phone call (especially if it’s just casual). It’s just far less awkward.
No, no, that wasn’t the thing that perplexed my mum, it was that he was dating multiple women at once. Umm… yes… everyone is.
Why dating multiple people at once is a marvellous idea
1. You get to trial who you have the best chemistry with
2. It’s a numbers game! Just because your heart may flutter for someone doesn’t mean they feel the same. So why not throw yourself into many dates and find your perfect match
3. You’re less likely to settle. You know the feeling, you’re ready to shack up, perhaps the months are turning colder and you’ll take anyone to snuggle with at night. Nope, options mean you don’t just settle for any Tom, Dick or Harry
4. You don’t focus on just one poor sucker, pouring all your energy into turning them into your dream partner. You’ve got many distractions to keep you from getting a little over eager and thirsty. No waiting by the phone for their next text, you’re busy
5. You get to enjoy that wonderful feeling when you and the person you’re casually dating decide to stop seeing other people and jump off the apps. You are the chosen one. Winner winner chicken dinner
No longer is this trend associated with love-rats, no no. It’s actually widely accepted and encouraged. In fact, I would go as far as saying everyone is ethically non-monogamous during their first one to five dates.
Let’s face facts, we’re all talking to multiple people on the dating apps at one time. Going for coffee with one, perhaps an afterwork drink with another, and if you’re particularly successful on the apps, you might even fit in a brisk Sunday walk with another.
Very very normal, very very common.
My mum’s reaction was so extreme, it got me pondering… are there some people still dating the old-fashioned way? I decided to run the theory by a bloke I was going on a first date with this week.
I explained my mum’s reaction to finding out people date multiple people at the same time, and he straight up agreed and told me he had been on a Facetime date the night before our first date.
Get with the times people! This dating train isn’t waiting at the station, and you’ve got to be in it to win it
Was I upset? Nope. Was I surprised, not at all. I think it’s safe to assume anyone you’re going on a date with is highly likely chatting to other people as well.
But you see, it hasn’t always been this way, so I understand why people who are new to the dating scene after an extended amount of time coupled up, might find it rather confronting.
In the 80’s, 90’s, and hey even perhaps in the 00’s, most people went on a date with one person at a time. One date leads to two, two might lead to three, and then you start thinking a little more seriously about where the relationship is going. If you weren’t feeling it, you would choof them off and start dating someone new. Only to repeat the cycle until you settled on your ‘forever person’.
Now that seems like such a waste of good time. I say get yourself out there, meet a variety of interesting people and see who your heart finally settles on.
Get with the times people! This dating train isn’t waiting at the station, and you’ve got to be in it to win it.
Hocking wrote this piece for Daily Mail Australia
