A Consultant Neuro-Psychiatrist, Dr Maymunah Yusuf-Kadiri, has urged separated parents to prioritize emotional safety and civility in co-parenting, warning that children often suffer silently from unresolved adult conflicts.
Yusuf-Kadiri, who is also the Medical Director of Pinnacle Medical Services Ltd., spoke in an interview with reporters on Thursday in Awka. She said that co-parenting, while challenging, should never expose children to emotional harm, whether parents are married or not.
“Children did not sign up for silent wars, loud fights, emotional manipulation, or being used as messengers and referees between adults. They do not need perfect parents but emotionally regulated adults who can manage conflict without transferring pain and resentment to them,” she said.
The neuro-psychiatrist explained that a child’s nervous system constantly observes parental interactions, which shapes their understanding of love, safety, and conflict. “How parents speak to each other becomes how children learn emotional regulation. Civility is not weakness; it is protection,” she noted.
Yusuf-Kadiri cautioned against competing for a child’s loyalty, weaponizing access, or turning affection into a tug-of-war, noting that such behaviors could have long-term psychological consequences. She emphasized the importance of consistency, predictable routines, stable communication, clear boundaries, and emotional safety to help children heal and thrive.
She also advised parents to seek therapy and professional support to process grief, anger, and unresolved issues away from their children. “Unhealed parents can create unsafe environments without meaning to. The real win in co-parenting is not who is right, but who protected the child’s mind,” she said.
Yusuf-Kadiri added that children raised in emotionally safe environments are more likely to grow into stable adults, reducing the need for years of psychological repair. She urged co-parents to regularly reflect on their behavior, asking whether their presence makes the child calmer or more anxious.
“Children may not forget how adults made them feel. Protect the child and regulate the adults—that is the real work,” she concluded.
