Mental health experts say society needs to change how it sees men showing emotions. They warn that stopping men from expressing feelings—especially crying—is quietly harming them. This leads to shorter lives, more suicides, and long-term health problems in men.
Psychiatrists want society to loosen the traditional roles placed on men, especially in areas like marriage, funerals, and family duties. They say people must understand that men also feel pain and need a safe space to show it.
These experts say the belief that men shouldn’t cry or look weak comes from harmful ideas about masculinity.
When men are told not to show emotions, the result can be serious health problems like depression, high blood pressure, diabetes, and even suicide—all of which affect men more than women.
Dr. Sunday Amosu, who works at the Federal Neuropsychiatric Hospital in Ogun State, Nigeria, says the cultural pressure on men is dangerous. He warns that keeping emotions inside is causing many Nigerian men to die too soon.
Dr. Amosu, a psychiatrist, explained that many men are dying from stress-related diseases like high blood pressure and depression because they’re taught not to show emotions—especially by crying.
He said the idea that being a “real man” means hiding emotions is destroying men’s health and reducing how long they live.
“Our culture tells men not to cry, not to show feelings, and to always stay strong,” he said. “But studies show this is harmful. Holding in emotions is like a ticking time bomb.
“Amosu added that women usually talk about their feelings and ask for help, but men often keep things inside. This leads to more suicides and mental health issues in men.
“Men are suffering quietly. That’s why men often die before women. When emotions stay bottled up, they turn into physical sickness,” he warned.
He suggested a new idea called “positive masculinity.” This means teaching men to be open, kind, and emotionally honest—while letting go of violence, aggression, and dominance as signs of strength.
“Positive masculinity means being respectful and supportive. It teaches us that crying doesn’t make you weak—it actually helps you feel better and heal,” he explained.
He said crying activates parts of the body that help us calm down and feel good. It releases chemicals that improve our mood.
Amosu asked leaders—like pastors, teachers, and the media—to help change how society views masculinity and emotion.
“We need to change how men think. Men should be allowed to show feelings without shame. If men want to live longer and healthier lives, they must learn to talk and ask for help,” he said.
He urged mental health workers to do more to reach out to men and teach them healthy ways to deal with emotions.
“The belief that men shouldn’t cry is killing us,” Amosu said. “Men should cry when needed, say sorry when wrong, and build supportive relationships. That’s the way to heal and live longer.
”Another psychiatrist, Dr. Yesiru Kareem, also warned that cultural pressure and shame are pushing many men into depression, addiction, and suicide.
Kareem said men are more affected by untreated mental illness, and studies show men make up about 80% of all suicide deaths globally.
“Men are three times more likely to die by suicide than women,” he said. “Many go through trauma but don’t talk about it because society teaches them not to show feelings.
”He blamed this on gender roles that force men to keep their pain inside and avoid asking for help, for fear of seeming weak.
Kareem also spoke about “presentism”—when men are physically present at work or home but are mentally and emotionally disconnected due to stress.
“Men may seem fine, but they’re struggling inside. They can’t talk about it because they’re expected to always appear strong,” he said.
He said many men use unhealthy ways to cope, like drinking, gambling, or addiction, because they don’t know how to handle stress or trauma.
Kareem said boys are told from a young age, “boys don’t cry” or “man up,” which teaches them to hide their emotions early on.
These harmful messages continue into adult life, where men are expected to take on huge responsibilities—like providing for the family—without emotional help.
“Men are expected to be everything: a husband, father, provider, in-law—and no one asks if he’s okay. Society expects too much but gives little support,” Kareem said.
He said this is even worse in African cultures, where men are given heavy financial responsibilities, especially during weddings, funerals, and family duties—with no support.
To help men, Kareem suggested the “ABC” method: Awareness, Being prepared, and Connection.He explained that men need to know their rights, be emotionally ready, and build real relationships with themselves, others, and their faith.
He also said men must learn to stand up for themselves and say no to unrealistic demands—there’s nothing wrong with asking for help or admitting you can’t afford something.
Kareem added that while women have support during events like menopause or widowhood, men don’t get the same help when facing aging or loss.
He urged the health system to take male mental health more seriously, saying many men who die by suicide had seen health professionals—but were ignored.
“Many men who take their lives had seen doctors but didn’t get proper help. Referring them to mental health care could have saved them,” he said.
He called for immediate change in how society views male emotions, reminding us that even teenage boys need support during puberty, just like girls do.
He encouraged men to get regular mental health checkups, take care of themselves, and celebrate their small wins—even when the world doesn’t recognize their struggles.
“Men also suffer. Men also cry. But until we let them breathe and feel, we will keep losing them quietly,” he said.
